The Ordinary Review

I have one of those calendars from Bank of America that stands up like a sawhorse. It is shaped like a triangle, and it rests on the triangle’s base. I got it when I opened a new account at Bank of America.

I like this calendar very much, because my alternative to looking at it is to check the calendar in Windows. The Windows calendar is pretty lousy, in my opinion, and when you try to view the next month, you risk accidentally changing the date that your computer is set to.

The only drawback to this calendar is that it falls over sometimes. It gets tired and faints, much like you would if you had to stand all day and night without rest.

I wish that Bank of America had better, more expensive giveaways. As a giant national bank with bad service, I would think that they could afford better giveaways. But I like the calendar and think it’s okay.

I have a bottle of Aleve in my bathroom. “All day strong,” the bottle says, all day until I am sick of hearing it. “Be quiet now,” I tell the annoying little bottle.

I give Aleve a pretty good review. It does relieve my pain, and it lasts longer than the other pain relievers.

It is pretty strong, though. It makes me feel weird when I take it. I don’t really know how to explain what it’s like to “feel weird”, but I’ll try. It is a combination of feeling physically uncomfortable and being on the verge of pain, though not quite there yet.

When you are hurting but are neither sore nor in pain, it’s pretty weird. So my review of Aleve is: good but weird.

I have a bunk bed at home, that looks exactly like this except that it’s bright red.

I am sort of embarrassed that I have a bunk bed. I am even more embarrassed that I sleep on the bottom bunk sometimes. Cold nights are my soft spot for the bunk bed, because it’s right next to the heater. But at least it’s not my bunk bed; it came with my apartment, and it will stay with the apartment when I move out.

I give the bunk bed an average review. It receives points for being next to the warm heater, but it loses points for being a funny-looking bunk bed.

While taking pictures of my sofa, I found my remote control. Many thanks to Michael for asking me to take pictures of the sofa. If it weren’t for him, I might never have found the remote.

A month ago, I would have given the remote control a fabulous review. It just makes life so much easier, because you can just sit around without ever having to touch the TV directly.

But now I give the remote control an average review. I realized during the past month that I really didn’t need it. I sit about 10 feet away from the television, which isn’t much of a distance to walk in order to change channels. Furthermore, I don’t really like to change channels. Channel surfing makes me feel like my life is a meaningless waste of time, but that’s really not true. I promise that’s not true! Please believe me, despite the fact that I spend a lot of time updating blogs like this one which seem like a waste of time.

The other point against the remote control is that it is dusty from being under a sofa cushion for so long. I did not bother to clean it off, because I am a busy, busy person. Dusty objects automatically receive a lower rating than clean ones, because they irritate my sinuses.

To summarize this review, I give the remote control an average review. I would have given it an excellent review a month ago, but it is less appealing now that I have lived without it and since it has gotten dusty.

This review is special because it’s two reviews in one: a review for Nips: Peanut Butter Parfait, and a review for Nips: Chocolate Parfait. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the review.

I have a Nips: Peanut Butter Parfait candy in my mouth right now. I put it in my mouth as soon as I started typing this review, and it’s still there right now. It is tempting to bite it, but I know that I shouldn’t for several reasons:

• The peanut butter center tastes best when it’s the reward at the end of the candy, rather than when I cheat and try to get to it before then.
• These candies are more like hard candies than soft candies, so biting them is difficult.
• These candies in particular stick to your teeth pretty badly when you bite or chew them.

Okay, I have to admit that as I was typing up that list, the peanut butter center started to spill out. So, like any candy-loving American would do, I bit the candy. To my surprise, it was semi-chewy, though not easy to chew.

The chocolate parfait version is better than the peanut butter version, but only by a small margin. Overall, these candies are excellent. Their only drawback is the tough chewiness and stickiness.

I would recommend them to anyone who has ever liked Werthers hard candies or caramel. But watch out for your teeth! Don’t say I didn’t warn you, if your teeth break or your fillings get pulled out by these candies accidentally.

The other variety that I hope to try soon is Nips: Dulce de Leche vanilla parfait:

So good, but so bad for your teeth.

The Black & Decker Dustbuster vacuum gets a bad review from me. It vacuums for less than a minute before running out of power, no matter how long you charge it for. I had been charging it for months, but clearly that meant nothing.

True, I only have the 4.8 volt version. 4.8 volts is nothing; if you think about it, one of those rectangular 9-volt batteries has almost twice as much voltage.

Why is it described in volts, rather than amps? Because the vacuum would probably be an embarrassment to Black & Decker if it was described in amps. There are vacuums for sale that draw over 12 amps during operation, and so “4.8 volts” sounds better than “0.1 milliamps”, which is probably closer to the actual amount of current drawn by this helpless little vacuum.

I tried to vacuum up some ants today, but the silly little vacuum just couldn’t do it.

So don’t buy this vacuum. Be wary at garage sales. I wouldn’t buy any model of Black & Decker vacuum, not even a more powerful one, because I feel overcharged and offended that they sold me this little useless vacuum.

I have a Sony Trinitron television that is probably a few years old. I use it frequently, and it works well enough for my needs. It came with the place, and I’ll have to leave it behind when I move out.

My Sony Trinitron TV has a few problems. First, it constantly hums a high-pitched sound. The sound is much louder than the hum of other televisions; so loud, in fact, that I cannot leave it on mute while talking on the phone.

Second, the lower half of the picture is distorted. Its colors come out strangely and incorrectly. You might imagine that it would be a big problem, but I don’t expect much and I’ve gotten used to it. Come to think of it, the colors of the entire picture are somewhat wrong. But again, it doesn’t bother me.

Third, the lettering on the front panel has smeared off from use over time.

Fourth, I lost the remote. I think it’s deep under the sofa. I’ve tried to find it, but I have had no luck for the past few weeks. One thing I’ve learned from this experience is that although I’m too lazy to look deeply for the remote control, I still do exert the effort to walk up to the TV and turn it on directly, so in reality I’m not entirely lazy.

Fifth, the Sony Trinitron television is heavy. I get scared when I have to crawl under the television to reach for something in the storage space behind the TV/VCR shelves. The TV seems like it would fall on me and kill me.

To summarize this review, well, the Sony Trinitron TV is tolerable for my purposes, but if I needed to buy a TV and had money, I’d get one of those new lightweight flat TVs instead.

I have two bar stools standing (I was going to say ’sitting’ but thought it didn’t sound right) next to the wall of my bedroom. They are made of some sort of brown wood, and they have round, black cushions.

They look kind of like the bar stool in this photo, but the seats don’t swivel.

I give these bar stools a pretty bad review. They have been completely useless to me. In fact, I have not used them even once.

They came with the apartment, and thankfully they will remain with the apartment when I move out at the end of May. They are lazy, good-for-nothing bar stools that serve absolutely no purpose.

This review is biased because I have no bar or high table in my house. If I did, then maybe the bar stools would be useful, and maybe I wouldn’t give them such an awful review. I might even praise them. But as things stand at the moment, I have no reason not to insult them.

Color: A Natural History of the Palette is a book that my friend Marjorie gave me as a birthday present a couple of years ago. Here’s what it looks like:

Marjorie ordered it for me on Amazon because she found it on my wish list. I had completely forgotten about my wish list by then. So I was extremely surprised and excited to get it in the mail!

This book is about the history of various colors. The author travels the world in search of the sources of various pigments, in some cases having to convince the native folks that she is worthy of being told their guarded cultural secrets. She is an anthropologist who tells fascinating stories about each journey. She also finds out the cultural meanings of different colors, and she reveals how important and deeply rooted color can be in a society.

This book is a work of art. While reading it, I visualize all the colors that they describe, in my imagination. The book is written with such interesting and vivid descriptions that you can’t help it but see all the hues being described.

I have enjoyed Color: A Natural History of the Palette so much that it is one of the few books that I didn’t send back to my parents’ house. I can’t have too many things because I move frequently, but this book is one of the beloved items that I have chosen to keep with me.

My Toshiba Satellite laptop is the most expensive item that I currently own. It also happens to be my most prized item.

The large screen is its best feature. I can open 2 windows side-by-side and still be able to read the text normally. I can watch widescreen movies using the entire width and height of my computer screen.

The weight and bulkiness is its worst feature. It gets tiring to carry, so I rarely transport it. It is difficult to bring on airplanes. Taking it out during airport security checks can be awkward.

Another drawback is the overheating. The Toshiba Satellite is highly prone to overheating. Furthermore, its largest cooling vents are at the bottom, so you have to keep it on a hard, flat surface at all times. If you work on your bed, on a rug, or on your lap, you will block the vents and it will become very hot.

When the Toshiba Satellite becomes too hot, it automatically shuts off. This now happens to me extremely, extremely rarely, but before when I used to block the bottom fan openings by mistake, it would shut off by itself frequently.

I bought my Toshiba Satellite laptop in December of 2003, when big laptops were rare. At the airport, they were amazed at how big my laptop was. “Have you ever seen a laptop this big?” I heard one security person ask another.

Finally, the laptop is sort of fragile. My CD/DVD writer stopped working within a year.

In summary, the Toshiba Satellite laptop has a great advantage with its extra-large screen, but its weight and overheating problems are larger drawbacks. I would recommend that you try to find another laptop brand with a big screen that is also lighter and more durable.